The Duke of Ted Cannot Read; He Lacks Ideation

On his better days he achieves a functional illiteracy, which allows him to order from a menu and obey the more obvious traffic signals. But a dedicated follower of Richard Yates? Doubtful at best.

Also: Updike... really? Sure, Updike is responsible for the best written love letter to one's mulatto grandsons known in the the annals of American letters, but there's not much competition as far as that goes. Otherwise, he's only read by aging white dudes with suede patches over their arms. There's not much there for the rest of us.

But the truly disturbing bit of this interview is the notion that a conversation about literary fiction would inspire a round of high-fives. I weep for the day we fist bump for fractals.

Again, my central thesis: Keanu is dark, mechanical, and soulless.